Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
