I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
