forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
