In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
