my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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