Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
