His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
