A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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