he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
