i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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