At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
