Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
