dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
