yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
