well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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