you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
