If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
