I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
