I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
