Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
