all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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