My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
