Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
