one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
