wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
