Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
