this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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