Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
