Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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