No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
