She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
