Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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