if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
