The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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