i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
