another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
