We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
