I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
