saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
