it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Randomize
