he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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