i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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