You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
