do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
false alarm. still invincible.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
