I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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