so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
