Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
