You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
