He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
