pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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