none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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